By Sharon Gordon
Let’s talk about the most common sexual fantasy of them all. I was going to say fantasy but at my stage of life that amounts to eight hours of uninterrupted sleep!
I’m talking about the threesome. Now I’m not sure about your combination of threesomes but I am sure that how you plan for it will make a difference to the execution.
In order to make the experience safe and pleasurable for all involved there are some rules that have to be followed especially if you are doing this with your primary partner. If you are doing this with some random people you met in a bar, then less planning is required.
Prearrange. You will need to do some research and plan ahead. You do need to be mentally and physically prepared. Prepare with lubricant, condoms and anything else that you may need during the play.
One of the most important things you can do in preparation is adjust expectations and prepare for the unexpected. Especially those pesky emotions and settings. Are you using your house or going to a hotel? A hotel will need to be booked and if home, not recommended, make sure the children have been shipped off.
Try to prepare for something unexpected happening. What if one of you gets cold feet? This is where preplanned conversations need to happen.
Communication is key. Before you embark on the adventure you and your partner need to talk about what’s going to happen and how.
You need to set some boundaries – who will you invite in. What precautions will be taken. Where and when is it going to happen? What are your expectations from the third party and from your partner and most important a safe word for if it’s not going according to plan.
Remember that you really don’t need to follow though. You can call it quits at any stage. Once the game is on, communication continues.
Make sure that all the parties express their wishes. Expressing your needs will make the experience far more pleasurable. There is very little point in participating and not achieving what you want.
Listen to what the others are saying. You need to be giving and receiving. You are not the only person in the room. If someone says slow down, then slow down.
More importantly pay attention to the non-verbal clues. Not everyone has read this column and may not be as prepared as you. Listen out for the sounds we make during play.
Pleasurable groans are one thing. High pitched squeals of displeasure, quite another. I refer to them as the dolphin. It’s not the look you are going for.
Check in with everyone. Don’t force it. You may have made a mistake and that’s okay. Call it if one or more of you are not having a good time.
After the play it is always beneficial to do a debrief. You can do this with your primary partner only or with all three of you. How did it go? What worked? What didn’t?
What did you like and dislike? What would you do differently? Do you want to do it again?
Here I want to share some thoughts. One of you may want to do it again with the same person, and the other not. Move at the pace of the person with the most reluctance. Forcing it is never healthy.
Always finish the play with your primary partner. There is nothing worse than feeling left out and that your partner prefers the third party invited to merely add a bit of spice. If you’re the partner pushing for this to happen, it may not go the way you imagine. Very often the reluctant partner has a lot more fun which leads to many confused and conflicting emotions.
A threesome is not for the faint of heart. Be fully prepared for an unexpected and even unpleasant outcome. You both have to be fully committed. Don’t do it simply to please your partner. It can be fun. Personally, I suggest it works best with people you don’t know, will never see again, in a hotel room, far, far away.
Saturday Star